Sir, I hope you're not married..
"The speculum can't be hurting you. There are no nerve endings in the lining of the vagina."
(four minutes later..)
A metal speculum kegel-ejected at force can break a human nose and black an eye.
You know your GYN is running on too little sleep when..
While explaining the new lighted, clear plastic speculums, he turns it sideways and does a bad impression of Crow from MST3K with it.
Random bouts of giggling can also kegel-eject a speculum and prolong a pelvic exam by about half an hour. (Although this one didn't hit the new doc in the face..)