City/State or Name of Hospital: Regions Hospital, Minnesota
Original Complaint: Bladder infection
Learned By: T
Me: "Hi. I have a bladder infection. I am not pregnant. I'm currently getting my period. The dipstick test will lie to you, because for some reason, my pee registers as pregnant. Please have them run the pregnancy test on the six vials of blood you just drew, or we'll argue about my pregnancy status all night."
Nurse: *chuckles, nods* (a few minutes later, returns with concerned look) "Did you know you're pregnant?"
Me: "Did you check it against the blood test?"
Nurse: "The ICON came back positive.."
Me: "Check it against the blood work, please."
Nurse: (argues with me for 20 minutes, gets a doctor)
Me: (explains to doctor)
Doctor: (checks blood) "Nope, definitely not pregnant."
Nurse: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes. I'm currently suffering my period and passing clots the size of hamsters. Believe me - NOT PREGNANT."
Nurse: "You could have said that!"
Thing Learned: Always call the doctor first.